“A feeling of profound contact and engagement with a client, in which one simultaneously experiences high and consistent levels of empathy and acceptance towards that other, and relates to them in a highly transparent way. In this relationship, the client is experienced as acknowledging one’s empathy, acceptance and congruence – either implicitly or explicitly – and is experienced as fully congruent in that moment” David Mearns.

How is this achieved?

• Let go of aims and “lusts” Focus on the client in the here and now, not our goals for them.
• Be aware of your aims, rather than denying them, then let set them aside.
• Let go of “anticipations. Theory is theory, the client is not a set of theories to be understood.
• Let go of Techniques, it focuses on us rather than the client.
• Give the client space and time to express. “Holistic listening”
• Knock on the door. Do not be afraid to ask things of the client
• Mulitdirectional Partiality. Complicated way of saying be aware of and use configurations of self.
• An openness to admitting how you are affected by the client.
• Create a safe (physical, emotional and mental) space. This does not mean protecting the client however.
• Congruence/self awareness and a willingness to display this to the client.
• Transparency, being willing to communicate our here and now to the client.

This is a very simplified, and brief summary of a large body of work, it is a beginning, not a how to.