The journal update is later this week as I have been reflecting and processing on what to do with it. I began, two months ago, I wanted to reflect the strange moment in history where we simply stopped, withdrew, and said, we will protect you – as I explored in this poem.
As I discussed last week I am still choosing to lockdown, to protect the health of myself, my household, and reduce the burden on the NHS. I am aware of what a huge privilege it is to be able to do this. However many people are not, can not, remain in that moment of stillness and withdrawal. What was a universal experience is now split into a multitude of experiences. I think this is partly responsible for what I am calling lockdown nostalgia – that rose tinted view of the first few weeks when it felt like we moved as one. Of course I say rose tinted because we were all in our own boats, some large, some small, some almost capsizing, as we trued to ride out the storm. I recognise again the huge amounts of privilege in being able to look back and remember highlights, watching space x cross the sky, standing in the middle of the road. The lack of traffic noise. Board games as a household. Everyone staying up til midnight to get that Asda delivery. Discovering new foods. The hugs, real and virtual. Lockdown nostalgia skips over the moments of real terror, the anxiety, the rows, and that is perhaps as it should be.
Silence and stillness may feel safer, and better, to me, but for so many this was not their experience of lockdown. Privilege has been on my mind a lot as many peple drive to the countryside, causing anxiety and anger among residents. Of course people need to behave responsibly, and I will confess I wish the government had not placed profits before people. But I can understand the desire to see beauty, to walk among tress, to allow nature to heal. Throughout lockdown I could each day immerse myself in nature, it was a privilege, and it is one that everyone should be able to access.
One of the things that has been coming into sessions this week, and which I have been working on personally, is how to keep hold of the things which worked in Lockdown. We stripped our lives of so many non essentials, and some are struggling with the idea that it worked better for them. Across the country people are realising that communiting, and over socialising, and the burden of so many “shoulds” had a really negative impact on their mental health
Pause a moment and consider – what things that you did in lockdown do you want or need to continue doing?
For me one of the things I will continue are my daily walks. Ending each day with time to reflect and connect with nature has been so beneficial it feels incredible that I did not do it before. It still amuses me that we interpreted the daily exercise as mandatory, but how positively that seems to have turned out.
If you have accompanied me through these weekly musings, thank you. We all did something quite amazing together, and as we have to find our own paths into the future I hope we can remember that moment when we stopped so others could live. I will continue to write here, and it may be that I have time and space for longer posts now. I am taking next week off so, perhaps there will be a deeper dive into some of the themes but for now
in solidarity, whereever your path leads